Ok, so being married to Shane has brought so many stories, but none like I expect we'll be telling in the near future. Last Tuesday, we got word that we were on the emergency list at our agency. This means that if a birthmom decides not to parent post-delivery, the hospital calls local agencies to place the babies. At Bible study on Thursday, I told everyone I could have a baby in 3 days or in a year. I was really kidding about the 3 days, but it seems the Lord had different plans :) I was preparing a devotional for a wedding shower on Saturday. It seemed that the Lord laid the topic of expectations on my heart. I was basking in self-righteousness as I prepared. Surely I had learned this lesson and had lots of wisdom to share . . . and then the phone rang.
"Hey hon, I have some killer news. Take 3 guesses."
As he giddily tortured me for 2 minutes, he finally spilled the news. Our agency called to say that there was a baby for us . . . a little boy . . . 10 days old . . . with downs. Upon swallowing the last piece of information, my heart wedged itself somewhere between my sternum and my throat. I honestly shouted "NOOO" in my head. All of the what-ifs cluttered my brain. All of my best laid plans were changed. My very comfortable and routine life was about to change. Before you scold me for my lack of trust in the Lord, I should tell you that this is how I react to all change. I just don't like it. Soon after I was reminded of how God was preparing us for this for a long time. We have 2 dear friends that have just given birth to their own children with DS. We have two families at church that are transparently raising and enjoying their boys with DS. Shane just went to Nebraska to lace up shoes at the Special Olympics for 3 days.
I was also reminded of how much of a joy our friend Daniel is and how many stories of how these "genetically enhanced" kids have been a blessing to their families. I couldn't think of one good reason to say no, and then my Savior reminded me that I am not my own and neither are the children that He has called to me mine. They belong to him. It's never been about my strength, but about His. I am so excited.
Pray for us. We could take placement this week. My little overwhelmed mind is not the best at getting motivated when there is lots to do. Where to start? I look forward to sharing the journey with you!
P.S. We plan on torturing the child with another Gaelic and challenging name for spelling :) His name will be Ciaran (Keeran) Aaron (birthname) Knox. We'll call him Knox.
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Oh Wendy!!! I'm so excited for you!! I have always thought that Down's children are literally angels from heaven. They are so special. You must be so honored that the Lord has chosen you for this little angel. I can't imagine the thoughts swirling through your head.... rest on His words "for I know the plans I have for you.. plans to give you hope and a future"
ReplyDeleteWendy, when you posted this on FB I was wondering your reaction to the DS news. I remember that phone call with Sierra and wondering about the aspects of raising a child that had been exposed to so much in utero. And I think you're reaction is the same that any mom would experience when finding out about a special need their child may have. "My grace is sufficient for thee." We have the solid rock to lean on, and He will carry you through. Hold His hand! Isaiah 41:13
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