What a joy watching my big boy as a big brother. He loves to sing to Knox.

New Life

We brought our new little man home yesterday.  He is a treat!  He sleeps all the time, and I'm not even sure what color his eyes are because they are so rarely open.  Grae has been a champ and is very helpful.  He is busy learning the words "gentle" and "slowly" which are not a part of his vocabulary :)  Little Knox grunts like a little gremlin at night, so we spent half the night getting used to his noises.  He also laughs in his sleep.  Too cute!  We are so blessed.  Please pray for us as we adjust to our tiny little bundle of joy!

Ask . . . Seek. . . Knox

Ok, so being married to Shane has brought so many stories, but none like I expect we'll be telling in the near future.  Last Tuesday, we got word that we were on the emergency list at our agency.  This means that if a birthmom decides not to parent post-delivery, the hospital calls local agencies to place the babies.  At Bible study on Thursday, I told everyone I could have a baby in 3 days or in a year.  I was really kidding about the 3 days, but it seems the Lord had different plans :)  I was preparing a devotional for a wedding shower on Saturday.  It seemed that the Lord laid the topic of expectations on my heart.  I was basking in self-righteousness as I prepared.  Surely I had learned this lesson and had lots of wisdom to share . . . and then the phone rang.

"Hey hon, I have some killer news.  Take 3 guesses."

As he giddily tortured me for 2 minutes, he finally spilled the news.  Our agency called to say that there was a baby for us . . . a little boy . . . 10 days old . . . with downs.  Upon swallowing the last piece of information, my heart wedged itself somewhere between my sternum and my throat.  I honestly shouted "NOOO" in my head.  All of the what-ifs cluttered my brain.   All of my best laid plans were changed.  My very comfortable and routine life was about to change.  Before you scold me for my lack of trust in the Lord, I should tell you that this is how I react to all change.  I just don't like it.  Soon after I was reminded of how God was preparing us for this for a long time.  We have 2 dear friends that have just given birth to their own children with DS.  We have two families at church that are transparently raising and enjoying their boys with DS.  Shane just went to Nebraska to lace up shoes at the Special Olympics for 3 days.

I was also reminded of how much of a joy our friend Daniel is and how many stories of how these "genetically enhanced" kids have been a blessing to their families.  I couldn't think of one good reason to say no, and then my Savior reminded me that I am not my own and neither are the children that He has called to me mine.  They belong to him.  It's never been about my strength, but about His.  I am so excited.

Pray for us.  We could take placement this week.  My little overwhelmed mind is not the best at getting motivated when there is lots to do.  Where to start?  I look forward to sharing the journey with you!

P.S.  We plan on torturing the child with another Gaelic and challenging name for spelling :)  His name will be Ciaran (Keeran) Aaron (birthname) Knox.  We'll call him Knox.

The Button Jar

Those of you that know me well, know I have a strange obsession with buttons.  When asked what I would like to jump into a swimming pool filled with, other people listed food items, but I promptly replied buttons.  My mom had a little Fleishman's yeast bottle filled with buttons and as a child, I loved the sound that the lid made when I opened the jar.  I would pour out the buttons and sort through them.  I still find buttons fascinating.  I would make a terrible Amish person. 

A friend once gave me a plaque that I hang in the loo.  It reads, "Good friends are like buttons, you collect them one at a time."  In the past few weeks,  the lives of several of my friends have gone through difficult and even tragic turns.  One dear friend in the Lord lost her husband tragically, several friends are looking for jobs to no avail, a friend from our college group is deployed and lonely, several friends are pregnant, and my husband and I have started a journey in ministry.  I struggle with following through with praying for these things.  I get lost in the Martha of the day and forget to be a Mary; sitting at the feet of Jesus lifting up supplication for these dear people. 

What does this have to do with buttons, you may ask?  I decided to use my obsession as a reminder to pray.  I selected a button for each of these people as they came to mind and wrote their name on each.  I dropped them into a jar that sits on a window above my sink.  I can put my hand in the jar, grab a handful of buttons, and pray for those dear ones.  Do you want to be a part of my button jar?  I'd love to add you to my amazing collection.  Message me and I'll send you my address so that you can send me your button along with a list of prayer requests. 

A Season of Change

In this season of busy, this was a refreshing reminder. Fullness - Valley of Vision Heavenly Father Thou hast revealed to me myself             as a mass of sin,    and thyself as the fullness of goodness,      with strength enough to succour me,      wisdom enough to guide me,      mercy enough to quicken me,      love enough to satisfy me. Thou hast shown me that because thou art mine      I can live by thy life,      be strong in thy strength,      be guided by thy wisdom;    and so I can pitch my thoughts and heart in thee. This is the exchange of wonderful love –    for me to have thee for myself,    and for thee to have me, and to give me thyself. There is in thee all fullness of the good I need,    and the fullness of all grace to draw me to thyself,    who, else, could never have come. But having come, I must cleave to thee,    be knit to thee,    always seek thee. There is none all good as thou art: With thee I can live without other things,    for thou art God all-sufficient,    and the glory, peace, rest, joy of the world      is a creaturely, perishing thing        in comparison with thee. Help me to know that he who hopes for nothing      but thee,    and for all things only for thee, hopes truly,    and that I must place all my happiness in holiness,      if I hope to be filled with all grace. Convince me that I can have no peace at death,    nor hope that I should go to Christ,      unless I intend to do his will    and have his fullness while I live.