There are no stupid questions . . .

There is a reason that God made me a teacher.  I love the faces of little (and not so little) people as a difficult concept is explained.  I love the satisfaction of unpacking something seemingly complicated so that it can be simply understood.  What I didn't anticipate was the use of those same skills to explain our little family. 

When Grae came along in an unconventional way, I was excited to share the joys of adoption.  People asked questions out of ignorance, not because they intended to offend and I happily shared the answers.  Questions like:  "Aren't you glad you didn't have to go through labor?  You did it the easy way!" , "Did you adopt because you couldn't have your own?"  , "How could a mother give away her baby?", "Don't you think open adoption with confuse Grae?".  With a smile (sometimes genuine and sometimes plastered)  I answered graciously. We chose to adopt because we think it is a beautiful picture of what the Lord has done in our own lives.  He has made enemies and strangers His own children and He showers us with the inheritance of sons.

It shouldn't have surprised me that people would say some interesting things and have lots of questions about little Knox.  "You chose to parent a baby with down's syndrome and heart defects?", "What was your motivation?",  "He doesn't look 'down's', are you sure?", "I would think you would be crying.  You're handling this surprisingly well", "Can you tell how severe his 'case of down's' is?".  This morning, my doctor made the crying comment.  She asked me why we would adopt a baby with down's syndrome and I simply replied, "Who else was going to love him?"  This seemed to soften her questions.  I am convinced that people are just misinformed.  I used to think people were a little over the top with the "people first language", that I have a baby with down's syndrome and not a down's baby.  Now I understand.  He's a baby.  He's my baby, and just like any other child I would raise as my own, he comes with his own challenges and gifts that God has given him.  I will continue use the loud mouth that God has given me to share what a blessing adoption is and also about my sweet baby who just happens to have a little extra genetic material.  Shane and I aren't some sort of bleeding hearts with a savior complex, we are sinners saved by grace who are depending on our Adopted Father for the strength to deal with any challenges He sends our way.  Our goal is to give him glory with our little patchwork family.

Grae and Grace

My little boy and his little friend Grace on a hayride at Uncle Bobby's farm.  They are thick as thieves and the best of pals!

The Great Physician

We were praying for a little heart miracle and we got one!

We went to Hopkins today with a little fear and a lot of hope that our new little man would not need treatment for the three congenital heart defects found at birth.  Knox was born with a murmur, and two holes in his heart.  Our prayer and the prayer of many others was that the holes would be closed and that Knox would not need more medical intervention.  After an echocardiogram, where Knox proceeded to sleep with both hands behind his head, we were visited by the cardiologist.  Her talk went something like this:

"This little guy is very lucky.  The murmur is not evident, the atrial septal defect is so minor that nothing needs to be done, and here is the interesting thing.  The sizable hole in the septal wall between his ventricles has been closed by an extra piece of tissue from the tricuspid valve.  Work it out however you want, mother nature or God has worked this one out. If anyone deserves an extra hand in life it's this little guy."

As I sat in the chair holding my little bundle of designer genes, I had to wrestle the tears back in their ducts.  I serve a great God who is able to close a big hole in my babies heart with an extra piece of tissue.  Just like that.   Our cardiologist is cautious, which I appreciate, and wants to check in in 3 months.  She doesn't anticipate finding anything has changed.  Shame on me for not believing that my God is able!

Pray for little Knox and his cardiologist appointment at noon. Praying for a little heart miracle!

What a joy watching my big boy as a big brother. He loves to sing to Knox.

New Life

We brought our new little man home yesterday.  He is a treat!  He sleeps all the time, and I'm not even sure what color his eyes are because they are so rarely open.  Grae has been a champ and is very helpful.  He is busy learning the words "gentle" and "slowly" which are not a part of his vocabulary :)  Little Knox grunts like a little gremlin at night, so we spent half the night getting used to his noises.  He also laughs in his sleep.  Too cute!  We are so blessed.  Please pray for us as we adjust to our tiny little bundle of joy!

Ask . . . Seek. . . Knox

Ok, so being married to Shane has brought so many stories, but none like I expect we'll be telling in the near future.  Last Tuesday, we got word that we were on the emergency list at our agency.  This means that if a birthmom decides not to parent post-delivery, the hospital calls local agencies to place the babies.  At Bible study on Thursday, I told everyone I could have a baby in 3 days or in a year.  I was really kidding about the 3 days, but it seems the Lord had different plans :)  I was preparing a devotional for a wedding shower on Saturday.  It seemed that the Lord laid the topic of expectations on my heart.  I was basking in self-righteousness as I prepared.  Surely I had learned this lesson and had lots of wisdom to share . . . and then the phone rang.

"Hey hon, I have some killer news.  Take 3 guesses."

As he giddily tortured me for 2 minutes, he finally spilled the news.  Our agency called to say that there was a baby for us . . . a little boy . . . 10 days old . . . with downs.  Upon swallowing the last piece of information, my heart wedged itself somewhere between my sternum and my throat.  I honestly shouted "NOOO" in my head.  All of the what-ifs cluttered my brain.   All of my best laid plans were changed.  My very comfortable and routine life was about to change.  Before you scold me for my lack of trust in the Lord, I should tell you that this is how I react to all change.  I just don't like it.  Soon after I was reminded of how God was preparing us for this for a long time.  We have 2 dear friends that have just given birth to their own children with DS.  We have two families at church that are transparently raising and enjoying their boys with DS.  Shane just went to Nebraska to lace up shoes at the Special Olympics for 3 days.

I was also reminded of how much of a joy our friend Daniel is and how many stories of how these "genetically enhanced" kids have been a blessing to their families.  I couldn't think of one good reason to say no, and then my Savior reminded me that I am not my own and neither are the children that He has called to me mine.  They belong to him.  It's never been about my strength, but about His.  I am so excited.

Pray for us.  We could take placement this week.  My little overwhelmed mind is not the best at getting motivated when there is lots to do.  Where to start?  I look forward to sharing the journey with you!

P.S.  We plan on torturing the child with another Gaelic and challenging name for spelling :)  His name will be Ciaran (Keeran) Aaron (birthname) Knox.  We'll call him Knox.